carvngintowater (carvngintowater) wrote,
carvngintowater
carvngintowater

Nine Inch Nails

Last night was euphoric. I went to my first NiN concert with Will. Words would cheapen the experience, but I must say that the experience was uplifting in many different ways. I still feel buoyant, some how above the fray, after hearing so much music. Being completely sober, I had only my five senses and my wits about me to drink in the mania of lights and rhythm. And Trent Reznor was a god. It was the closest to prayer that I have ever been, and I was singing to a person who was just like me.

The concert brought a sense of unity to all of this rebellion. The social themes in some of Trent's songs, well, all of them, speak to me as a misfit and under-dog. And during one of his newer songs, (which I hadn't heard yet) he dropped this great translucent veil over the stage and played a montage of film clips across the whole front of it. They were images of monkeys fucking and ripping flesh from bone, and millions of ants crawling over eachother blindly, and then a room full of couples from the 1960s dancing in unison. The lyrics went something like "when you look into the mirror, is that all you want to be? if you could see between the cracks would you find yourself, find yourself afraid to see?" And in the end of it, there was a picture of bush dancing with his wife and we flipped it off. And then at the end, poignantly enough, a wild monkey stormed this flock of delicate water foul and just grabbed one and held it in his hand. He looked dumbfounded, and, to me, seemed to stand for man's blind grasping of wonders and discoveries. He doesn't know what he has when he's finally figured out how to hold it, yet he knows that it is of value, and watches it flutter, half broken, in his primitive fingers. I'm sure the bird ended up dying, but he didn't let the film play that long.

I danced, uninhibited by self-consciousness, among a crowd of stiff white kids and older couples. A few of the guys started to move, and one grunge-ish couple near us was also into it. Will said that I looked like a stripper sometimes (I am sure the skirt and leather jacket and high heeled boots helped that fantasy along). Also, he said I was fun to go to concerts with. This is true only if I know many of the band's songs. But when it is someone I respect and have deep seeded sexual desires for, I can't really control what I do. I became similarly unhinged at a Perfect Circle concert, having swallowed a bunch of adderol and taking a hit of weed in the bathroom. It was amazing. I wasn't still the whole time. God, the room was empty except for the band and my heart beat. Even I was gone after a while, and it was just four silhouettes moving to their respective rhythms against so much dancing light.
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